BLENDED FAMILY...Building a Life Together

In conjunction with Sagemark Consulting, a division of Lincoln Financial Advisors, a registered investment advisor. Mr. Chazin is a regular contributor to PlannerConnect. In a "traditional" estate plan, each spouse provides for his or her assets (or most of the assets) to pass to the surviving spouse, with the understanding that those assets will go to their children at the surviving spouse's death. This planning approach may work well when the spouses have only been married once - to each other - and the only children involved are the ones they have together. But it can spell disaster if your family is one of the many today that doesn't fit this traditional definition. For couples with children from prior marriages, a better approach is to sort out what's "yours, mine, and ours" and plan accordingly so neither your spouse nor your children are unintentionally disinherited. Think carefully and objectively about potential conflicts, future needs, and hu...

I started my single parent journey a little over 8 years ago in what then seemed a somewhat unconventional manner. I turned 35 and realized that it was very unlikely that I would meet someone to have a family with before it was too late. I did some research and found an organization, Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). I was inspired by this growing demographic of women who, like me, had focused on their careers, hadn't met the right person, and hadn't wanted to compromise for the sake of having a child. All of us still wanted to have children, most of us were college educated and financially stable. All of us were either considering whether to have a child on our own, or had made the decision and were starting the process, or were already mothers. We turned to each other for support and community, and our kids knew that there were others out there like them, in this relatively new family structure. As I sit down to write this today, I am in a different part of my journey as a pare...

Blending families is never an easy task. Even if everyone starts out viewing the new living arrangement as a positive one, tensions and stresses will arise. It is all a part of learning to live together. Remember, you are taking two very distinct family structures and trying to merge them together to make something new. There is bound to be some resistance even from the most willing and happy of family members. It is important to realize that every blended family goes through a rough period of adjustment and, usually, it does pass. If your family seems to be having an especially difficult time blending there are some resources available that you can use to help smooth the process out. Therapy Family therapy is a fantastic way for blended family members to air their issues in a safe environment. A therapist is not going to take anybody's side and, instead, will provide impartial third party insight into the situation. Sometimes it takes talking to someone who is not emotionally atta...

All blended families have problems when they are first learning how to live together. It is how you solve your family problems that is important. Letting your anger or your frustration get the better of you is never a good idea, now matter how satisfying it might feel in the heat of the moment. Some families are able to work through their issues on their own while others find that they need help. Some families need blended family counseling to learn how to live as a single family unit.. And here is the rest of it. There is no reason to feel bad if you find that your newly blended family needs family counseling. All blended families goes through growing pains when they are first learning how to live together and the family dynamics of a blended family are almost always complicated, whether your family consists of one or both spouse bringing children from a previous relationship into the family dynamic. New step parents are unsure of their footing. Newly stepped children are usually worr...