BLENDED FAMILY...Building a Life Together

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Many women dream of becoming moms. Few dream of becoming stepmoms. On their good days, stepmothers think of themselves as bonus moms or mentor moms. On their bad days — and that often includes Mother's Day — they believe they are thought of by stepkids and ex-wives as something just above pond scum. Or not thought about much at all. Those who monitor the family say stepmoms need to be thought about. New research shows they do not often fare well with their stepchildren. Yet many experts say stepmothers have a key role in making a blended family work. And they note that the blended family — whether the parents are married or just living together — is the family form of the future. More than half of all Americans today have been, are now or will eventually be in one or more step situations, says the Stepfamily Association of America. About 30% of all kids are likely to spend time in some sort of "stepping" arrangement. And those kids are increa...

My husband Charles and I stood in front of the minister holding hands with one another and with our five children. It was our wedding day--the second marriage for both of us. We included our daughters and sons in the service because they, perhaps even more than we, would be forever affected by the vows we were about to exchange. Later that morning when we walked out the door of the little village church, we went from being two individual families to one blended family. As the formerly married marry again and bring their natural children into the new relationship, as we did eighteen years ago, everyone involved is suddenly thrust into a new experience--the 'blended family.' This occurs even if the children do not live in the same household with the parent who remarries. Since children generally spend weekends, holidays, or extended summer visits with their natural parent and new stepparent, everyone involved needs opportunities and activities that provide a sense of belonging. A...