BLENDED FAMILY...Building a Life Together

Being a stepparent can be very challenging. Steve Arterburn, of New Life Ministries, offers these suggestions. 1. You must “connect” with the children at their point of emotional need. Remarriage is a challenge for everyone, but especially the children. For most children, their parent’s decision to remarry represents the loss of the dream that their biological parents will reunite. Even children whose parents had a terrible relationship have the fantasy that someday everyone will be happy. The grief associated with this loss is painful and can last a long time. 2. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings. You may not like everything you hear, but your children need a safe and nurturing environment to respectfully share their emotions. The best way to encourage your children to open up is to set the example. When you are transparent about your feelings you foster the security and trust they long for. 3. Have realistic expectations. Getting to know each other

No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. ~ Luke 5:36 The wallpaper in the children’s guest bathroom gave me nightmares. It looked like a big coloring book with partially colored characters of children playing happily all over the walls. The uncolored characters seemed to beckon any child who entered the room to pick up their crayons and finish the job. In fact, my husband obliged these happy little faces on the wall by giving his daughters crayons while they sat on the potty. Wisely, I held my tongue after seeing this wallpaper, but a notation was made in my mind to change it as soon as possible. After Harvey and I married, my children and I moved into the house he had shared with his ex-wife and daughters. Because my husband’s business is located on the adjoining property, moving to another house was not an option for us. I didn’t mind living in this

My husband Charles and I stood in front of the minister holding hands with one another and with our five children. It was our wedding day--the second marriage for both of us. We included our daughters and sons in the service because they, perhaps even more than we, would be forever affected by the vows we were about to exchange. Later that morning when we walked out the door of the little village church, we went from being two individual families to one blended family. As the formerly married marry again and bring their natural children into the new relationship, as we did eighteen years ago, everyone involved is suddenly thrust into a new experience--the 'blended family.' This occurs even if the children do not live in the same household with the parent who remarries. Since children generally spend weekends, holidays, or extended summer visits with their natural parent and new stepparent, everyone involved needs opportunities and activities that provide a sense of belonging. A

by Maxine Marsolini Living with step relationships isn't as easy as it sounds. Statistics tell us that blended children are at greater risk of living in high conflict homes where sixty percent of them will once again fall apart. Most of us have made a New Year's resolution at least once or twice in our lives. We've been taught to believe we can change habits by walking into a new year with a new goal. In the past, I've resolved to exercise, eat more salads, and attend church. These activities are now a part of my life. I'd like to challenge you to a 2005 resolution—to put The ABC's for Blended Families into practice. Don't expect to do them all in a week's time. Be diligent. The whole year lies ahead of you. A Accept Your Family Make each person feel he or she is a very important part of the new family. Avoid favoritism of one child over another. B Build with Love Mother Teresa said, "I have come more and more t

You'll have a stepfamily when one or both of parents get remarried. It is also called blended family because people from two houses get mixed, stirred and blended into one. Being in a blended family is hard. There are several problems and issues that only blended families face. A few of these are: Extended families do not always accept the new spouse or the step children. Both parent and stepparent do not treat children in the blended family equally. Many stepparents have difficulty in loving their stepchild or stepchildren. The children are not accepting the new "parental authority" in the home. The new home has two sets of rules, and two types of discipline. Discipline from a stepparent usually results in frustration, opposition, and disrespect. Children have two homes, with two sets of rules and different methods of discipline. Expert say that it can take more than two years for blended families to settle and be blended into life together. Combining two families into o

O ur ministry is to give hope for blended families, to guide remarrieds nurture the new marriage, to help fluorish a healthy relationship between stepparent and stepchildren, and to establish happy, loving, and God-centered families. T his site is dedicated to our loving family and most of all to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.