BLENDED FAMILY...Building a Life Together

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Although is generally considered appropriate practice for parents to use different techniques to raise different children, problems can arise when a parent exhibits obvious preferences towards one child or another. How harmful is parental favouritism and what psychological affects can it have when one child perceives that he or she is being treated unfairly in comparison to a sibling? Sibling Rivalry How often have you heard a child complain, “But that’s not fair! He always gets his own way”? Although sibling rivalry is common, how is a child’s mental well-being and your relationship affected when your spouse so very obviously favours one child over another? Some parents may show favouritism subconsciously by taking sides depending on the gender or age of the child. Do the seemingly harmless expressions, “You’re older, you ought to know better” or “I always wanted a son” sound familiar? Favouritism not only occurs in the stepfamily situation where a parent favours a biolo...

In a day and age of fifty percent divorce rates, affecting those in the church as much as society in general, more and more families are struggling with issues of his, hers and ours—children, that is. Unfortunately, while more and more people are facing issues with “blending families,” few are actually prepared for the rigors and trials of step-parenting. In fact, this is perhaps the greatest issue facing blended families: a lack of preparation, training and understanding of the issues they will be facing. Consider the situation. A man, previously married, has developed his own parenting style with his children, and the children are familiar with what to expect from their father and are loyal to him. Meanwhile, a woman, previously married, has developed her parenting style with her children, and they know what to expect from her and are loyal to her. The man and woman fall in love and plan a life together, but forget that their children will join t...

Q: I am the step-mom of an 11 yr. old boy whom will be turning 12 in 2 months, I have been raising him since he was 2 yrs old, and have seen to all the duties of teaching him to speak, potty training and all the other stuff that goes along with child raising. My husband and I went to court for custody of the little boy and won. The mother of the little boy has always made promises to him and never kept them; birthdays, Christmas, the whole lot. When we brought my husband's son to live with us he was living with his grandparents because the mother was 16 and unable to care for the child and provide a stable home for him. Many years have come and gone and for the last 2 years my step-son has heard nothing from his mother Our phone number and address have been the same for the last 7 years. My problem is this:...

Do you know parents in blended families arugue over discipline issues? Both partners come into the marriage with their own parenting styles, and these styles can be very different. However, when the couple works together they can blend their individual styles to create the best way to correct the children. Read on to discover communication tips on how to find unity parenting step-children. The following question is one of the most common that I get from parents of blended families. Question: My wife and I have been married for two years. She has a son by a previous marriage. We argue frequently about how to discipline him. I think she is way too lenient and she thinks I am too strict. How do we resolve this? Answer: This is a common scenario. One of the most important principles is to present a united front to the child. Any disagreements you have about disciplining the child should occur behind closed doors, not in front of the child. Try to negotiate and find a common ground before t...

Weddings for blended families present challenges unique to them. There are many things to consider when planning these weddings and couples have to know from the start that there will be added stress that wasn't present the first time they both got married. While your own extended family may have gotten smaller if you divorced, your children's extended families is about to double in size. This wedding is not just about you and your future husband. It's about your children too. If your darling little ones will be acting as flower girls and ring bearers, you have to consider inviting at least part of your ex's family and perhaps even your ex-spouse. Grandparents usually don't want to miss out on this event in their grandchildren's life and they very well might want to be there. Of course, if there's still a lot of bitterness and fighting, then it is best to keep everyone at the proverbial arm's length! Since it's obvious that there will be additional s...

As a psychologist and counselor practicing in the Woodstock-Cary-Algonquin-Crystal Lake and Lake in the Hills areas of Illinois, I find that there are 21 essentials you can expect when receiving counseling for problems in your blended family. But first, what are the signs of blended family problems? 1. Conflicting parenting practices between biological and stepparents 2. Child rejects the stepparents disciplinary practices 3. Biological parent foments dislike for stepparent 4. Biological and stepparent compete for power and control 5. Conflict develops among the children in the blended family 6. Ex-spouse interferes with the blended familys lifestyle 7. Childs behavior problems become personalized by the adults, causing fracture within the family system If this sounds like your family, you should seek counseling. But when you begin treatment, what will your counselor do? How does marriage and family counseling for blended families work? 1. Your therapist will he...