Marriage and Parenting: How to Find Unity Parenting a Blended Family

Do you know parents in blended families arugue over discipline issues? Both partners come into the marriage with their own parenting styles, and these styles can be very different. However, when the couple works together they can blend their individual styles to create the best way to correct the children. Read on to discover communication tips on how to find unity parenting step-children.

The following question is one of the most common that I get from parents of blended families.

Question:

My wife and I have been married for two years. She has a son by a previous marriage. We argue frequently about how to discipline him. I think she is way too lenient and she thinks I am too strict. How do we resolve this?

Answer:

This is a common scenario. One of the most important principles is to present a united front to the child. Any disagreements you have about disciplining the child should occur behind closed doors, not in front of the child.

Try to negotiate and find a common ground before the discipline is given. Remember your spouse is not the enemy; you are parenting partners. As a couple, you may want to read some books on discipline together. This may help you come to an agreement on how to handle discipline issues.

There may also be underlying issues contributing to your disagreements. For example, the lenient parent may be feeling guilty about his or her previous divorce.

On the other hand, the stricter parent may be insecure in establishing his or her authority. He or she may think that by being overly strict that they can gain better control over the children.

If you are continuing to fight over discipline issues, then consider seeking professional counseling.


by Jeff Barnet

Article Source: EzineArticles


Wedding Flowers for Blended Families

Weddings for blended families present challenges unique to them. There are many things to consider when planning these weddings and couples have to know from the start that there will be added stress that wasn't present the first time they both got married. While your own extended family may have gotten smaller if you divorced, your children's extended families is about to double in size. This wedding is not just about you and your future husband. It's about your children too.

If your darling little ones will be acting as flower girls and ring bearers, you have to consider inviting at least part of your ex's family and perhaps even your ex-spouse. Grandparents usually don't want to miss out on this event in their grandchildren's life and they very well might want to be there. Of course, if there's still a lot of bitterness and fighting, then it is best to keep everyone at the proverbial arm's length!

Since it's obvious that there will be additional stress involved with this wedding, why not eliminate some of it by ordering a silk wedding flower package? This can be done from the convenience of your home or office and the selection is fantastic! You can order silk wedding flower sets that include the bridal bouquet, as well as the wedding bouquets that your bridesmaids will be carrying. Boutonnieres, corsages, flower girl baskets and ring bearer pillows are also part of the package, which can be customized to match your individual needs. By choosing to order silk wedding flowers, you eliminate the last minute panic as you wait for the florist to arrive with your flowers. There won't be any mix-ups that can't be corrected, no broken off blossoms and no pre-wedding anxiety over whether or not you'll actually like the flowers. Besides, this is a new beginning. If you carried a fresh bridal bouquet in your first wedding, then now is the time to carry silk! Besides, your fresh wedding bouquet died, right? Silk will "live" forever, just like this new marriage of yours!

If this second marriage does include children, a beautiful symbol of the blending of these families would be to add a birth month flower for each child to your bridal bouquet. For example, suppose you have two children, one born in May and the other in June. Your groom has three children, with birthdays in January, March and August. This blended family bouquet would include lily-of-the-valley, a rose, a carnation, a daffodil and a poppy. Now let's assume that the wedding is in November in Connecticut. Daffodils are out of season, as are lily-of-the-valley. Poppies don't hold up well in wedding bouquets no matter what. The solution would be to use silk wedding flowers and add them to the bouquet. If you use a silk flower for each of the months, then you could pull the appropriate flower out of your bridal bouquet and hand it to each of the children before you leave for your honeymoon. This would be a special way to recognize each member of your new family.


Author Resource:-
Bonnie Goodwin Ray has more than sixteen years experience in the wedding industry. She is the author of Wedding Planning Made Easier and has become a leading expert in silk wedding bouquets design.

Blended Family Problems? 21 Ways Counseling Can Help

As a psychologist and counselor practicing in the Woodstock-Cary-Algonquin-Crystal Lake and Lake in the Hills areas of Illinois, I find that there are 21 essentials you can expect when receiving counseling for problems in your blended family.

But first, what are the signs of blended family problems?

1. Conflicting parenting practices between biological and stepparents

2. Child rejects the stepparents disciplinary practices

3. Biological parent foments dislike for stepparent

4. Biological and stepparent compete for power and control

5. Conflict develops among the children in the blended family

6. Ex-spouse interferes with the blended familys lifestyle

7. Childs behavior problems become personalized by the adults, causing fracture within the family system

If this sounds like your family, you should seek counseling. But when you begin treatment, what will your counselor do? How does marriage and family counseling for blended families work?

1. Your therapist will help you to identify the positives and negatives of the stepparents disciplinary procedures..

2. You counselor will create a neutral zone so family members can express themselves without fear of retaliation.

3. Your therapist may train you in certain communication skills to build the relationship between relevant spouses.

4. The marriage or family counselor will likely facilitate a healthy dialogue among disgruntled children and any step or adoptive parent.

5. Your family or marital counselor will likely help the children explore any feelings of conflict or disloyalty regarding biological parents.

6. Your psychologist or counselor will probably facilitate a healthy release of any of the childrens fear of abandonment or displaced anger that may be inhibiting acceptance of their stepparents directives.

7. Parents will be helped to identify and resolve conflicts between themselves in parenting strategies.

8. The stepparents disciplinary strictness or rigidity will be assessed as to whether it may be creating resistance on the part of the child.

9. Your therapist may assess the degree to which an ex-spouse may be unfairly blamed for parenting problems existing within the blended family.

10. The counselor will help the parents identify and resolve any insecurity or jealousy regarding warmth displayed between a parent and stepchild.

11. Your psychologist may invite a former spouse or biological parent into a joint session with other biological or stepparents in order to discuss and resolve differences in parenting philosophies and techniques.

12. You may be asked to consider any potential manipulation of the child in playing one parent against the other for territorial or power advantages.

13. The children will likely be reassured that they are not responsible for their parents conflicts and that these conflicts do not reflect adversely on their parents love for them.

14. The children may be asked to express directly or through a letter the foundation of their feelings for being treated unfairly by a stepparent.

15. You may be encouraged to negotiate with the children as to actions that they may perceive as fairer to them.

16. Your therapist may suggest a list of special activities that the parent and stepchildren can do to reduce any feelings of alienation.

17. Parents may be encouraged to behave assertively toward children from whom they are afraid of receiving a negative response.

18. The therapist may help you to identify self-defeating patterns relevant to your parenting skills that may exist in your blended family and suggest ways of modifying them.

19. The therapist may prescribe psychological testing for some members of the family, children or parents, to expose any factors that may be neglected in isolating the causes of the family strife.

20. You will be helped to identify sources of ongoing support and reassurance to effectively improve and hone your parenting skills.

21. If you are engaging in any unusual parenting strategies, their methods and effects will be reviewed to be sure that they are contributing efficiently to the well-being of the family.


Author Resource:-
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He's an expert marriage counselor and psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt or learn more about counseling. Article From Articles On Tap