BLENDED FAMILY...Building a Life Together

In conjunction with Sagemark Consulting, a division of Lincoln Financial Advisors, a registered investment advisor. Mr. Chazin is a regular contributor to PlannerConnect. In a "traditional" estate plan, each spouse provides for his or her assets (or most of the assets) to pass to the surviving spouse, with the understanding that those assets will go to their children at the surviving spouse's death. This planning approach may work well when the spouses have only been married once - to each other - and the only children involved are the ones they have together. But it can spell disaster if your family is one of the many today that doesn't fit this traditional definition. For couples with children from prior marriages, a better approach is to sort out what's "yours, mine, and ours" and plan accordingly so neither your spouse nor your children are unintentionally disinherited. Think carefully and objectively about potential conflicts, future needs, and hu...

I started my single parent journey a little over 8 years ago in what then seemed a somewhat unconventional manner. I turned 35 and realized that it was very unlikely that I would meet someone to have a family with before it was too late. I did some research and found an organization, Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). I was inspired by this growing demographic of women who, like me, had focused on their careers, hadn't met the right person, and hadn't wanted to compromise for the sake of having a child. All of us still wanted to have children, most of us were college educated and financially stable. All of us were either considering whether to have a child on our own, or had made the decision and were starting the process, or were already mothers. We turned to each other for support and community, and our kids knew that there were others out there like them, in this relatively new family structure. As I sit down to write this today, I am in a different part of my journey as a pare...

Blending families is never an easy task. Even if everyone starts out viewing the new living arrangement as a positive one, tensions and stresses will arise. It is all a part of learning to live together. Remember, you are taking two very distinct family structures and trying to merge them together to make something new. There is bound to be some resistance even from the most willing and happy of family members. It is important to realize that every blended family goes through a rough period of adjustment and, usually, it does pass. If your family seems to be having an especially difficult time blending there are some resources available that you can use to help smooth the process out. Therapy Family therapy is a fantastic way for blended family members to air their issues in a safe environment. A therapist is not going to take anybody's side and, instead, will provide impartial third party insight into the situation. Sometimes it takes talking to someone who is not emotionally atta...

All blended families have problems when they are first learning how to live together. It is how you solve your family problems that is important. Letting your anger or your frustration get the better of you is never a good idea, now matter how satisfying it might feel in the heat of the moment. Some families are able to work through their issues on their own while others find that they need help. Some families need blended family counseling to learn how to live as a single family unit.. And here is the rest of it. There is no reason to feel bad if you find that your newly blended family needs family counseling. All blended families goes through growing pains when they are first learning how to live together and the family dynamics of a blended family are almost always complicated, whether your family consists of one or both spouse bringing children from a previous relationship into the family dynamic. New step parents are unsure of their footing. Newly stepped children are usually worr...

Families today are a bit more complex than they were in previous generations. By the time a bride and groom walk down the aisle, they are likely to have picked up a few more relations than the ones they were born with; everyone from stepparents, step-grandparents, and maybe even a few stepchildren are going to be part of the mix. Having such a large family can make for an especially joyful celebration, but the truth is than in many cases it just makes planning a wedding more complicated. Here are some tips on how to successfully negotiate the complicated terrain of weddings for blended families. Usually the questions that arise center around the bride's stepparents. Things can be almost equally complicated when she does get along with a stepmom or dad or if she does not. For example, a bride who was primarily raised by her mother and a stepfather may well feel very torn about who should walk her down the aisle. Should it be her "real" dad, or her stepdad who was just as...

Many adults are getting married with children already in the wings. The result - blended families - can be greatly rewarding, although not without conflict. This article highlights some areas of concern for blended families and how to deal with them. It is not uncommon these days for couples to pursue remarriage with children already in tow. Blended family statistics show that at least one in three Americans is now a stepchild, stepparent, a stepsibling, or some part of a blended family. Blended families are usually the result of remarriage after divorce, where both bride and groom have kids under their wings. Or perhaps it's a first time wedding for two single parents. Whatever the reason, families that are united by virtue of marriage and not blood are on the rise, bringing hope and stability to many people's lives. Blended Family Remarriage Conflicts It's not much of a surprise, however, that kids who suddenly have to deal with a "stepmother" or "s...

1. Treat all the children equally and fairly Treat your step grandkids as if they were all your biological grandchildren. They are waiting and watching to see if you will be fair to all. If your biological grandchildren call you "grandmother"- then invite your new step grandchildren to call you "grandmother." If you hug your grandchildren when you see them, then hug your step grandchildren, too. Dispense with the "biological" and "step" labels as soon as you can. Even keeping these labels in your head may cause you to treat your grandchildren unequally. 2. Remember and Recognize Special Days Acknowledge birthdays, school events, and any other special activities of your new step grandkids. At the beginning of each year- mark all special events on the calendar. You may even want to purchase birthday cards, or gift cards- all at once. That way you are fair to all and don't forget anyone. Don't forget your new daughter or son in law, t...